An “ODE” for my Dad

by Peyton T. Everdeen

All my life, I have been closer to my Mom than to my Dad.  Naturally, I usually talk about my Mom to the people I interact with.  Other than God, my Mom was and still is the biggest constant in my life. My topics about her ranged from ordinary, funny, sentimental, or even dramatic at times.  Talking about my Mom is like taking my listener/s to a live “teleserye”.  I talked about my Mom so often that  it came to a point when an officemate actually asked me if my Dad is still alive because apparently, he often heard me talking about my Mom but never my Dad.

My Dad passed away last July 19, 2019.  He will be celebrating his 92^nd birthday on March 31, 2022.  Today, I would like to talk about my Dad for a change.  First, I want to honor him and the life he had.  Second, I want something to help me remember my Dad, the times we spent together, and his impact on my life.  Third, I will be turning sixty this year and over time, my brain might not be healthy enough to remember everything. Today, I would like to write an “ode” for my Dad.

Based on Wikipedia, “An ode is a type of lyrical stanza. It is an elaborately structured poem praising or glorifying an event or individual, describing nature intellectually as well as emotionally.” Of course, I am not capable of writing an authentic ode. I do think, however, that I am capable of praising and glorifying my Dad, intellectually but hopefully more emotionally, by writing this blog.

My father was not your ordinary father. The only thing ordinary about him was his being devoted to providing for his children’s basic needs:  shelter, food and water, clothing, and education. However, when it comes to expressing his fatherly love, he was not at all ordinary.

In my eyes, my father was not the type who would freely give words of affirmation. He was a man of few words. I have never heard him say “I love you” to me or any of his children.

Neither was my father the type who would perform acts of service to show his love. He was probably the traditional husband/father who thought of himself as the “King” of the family who deserves to be served at all times. In this age of female empowerment and gender equality, my Dad would probably have a tough time looking for a girlfriend.

In terms of giving gifts, my father knew only one type of gift – cash. However, he did not give us gifts on the usual special occasions like birthdays or Christmas. He would give us cash to reward us when we excelled in school or to share his collections after his annual out-of-town trip to his clients.

My father was not the type who believed in spending quality time with his family. He spent most of his daytime working in his home office or visiting his clients. He was a self-employed Certified Public Accountant (CPA). He would spend his evening watching TV or reading books. On a few occasions, he would go out with his clients or my Mom’s male relatives who have become his friends.

Lastly, my father was not the “touchy” or “clingy” type, either to my Mom or his children. Without wanting to exaggerate, the only time I started seeing my Dad holding my mother’s hand was during his last year or so. He was getting weaker then and would often just sleep in his room. Occasionally, though, he would come down during the day, sit beside my Mom who was usually watching TV, and hold her hand. I often found myself getting excited seeing them hold hands and even took snapshots of Dad and Mom together for sharing with my other siblings. It was like watching a loveteam doing a day-in-a-life scene.

By now, I hope that I have convinced you that my Dad was not an ordinary father in terms of expressing his love. Your next question would probably be what I loved about my Dad. Let me cite his ways.

Other than loving my Dad simply because he is my father, I loved my Dad because he worked hard to support his family’s basic needs, especially his children’s education. My Dad always told me that, “Education is wealth.” because it would make it easier for me to be successful in life. He also said that education can help me become a better individual not just to our family but even to our country and countrymen. Up to his last year, he can still sing our national anthem “Lupang Hinirang” and recite the “Panatang Makabayan.”

My Dad may have been a man of few words, but his mere presence made us feel that he loved us. He also taught me one of my life’s biggest lessons,

“Mas mabuti anak na ikaw ang nagbibigay kaysa ikaw ang nangangailangan.” 

Indirectly, he taught me to be financially independent but at the same time, be generous to others.

My Dad was also passionate about his work.  He was a CPA but beyond helping his clients manage their books, he made sure that his clients grew their respective businesses within the framework of good governance. Moreover, I saw how my Dad built a lasting working relationship and friendship with his clients. Even during his wake, his clients talked about how smart and how good Dad was.

Last but not least, I loved my Dad because he taught me how important it is for a person to know when to let go. Two years before he died, he often told us that, “To die is to rest.”  My heart broke every time he said that line, but I took it seriously. Looking back, I made critical decisions concerning my Dad based on that line. I can never forget being with my Dad on his last day at the hospital while he was taking what turned out to be his last few breaths.  I whispered to his ear, “Ï love you, Dad. Kung pagod ka na, you may rest now. Kami na ang bahala kay Mom.” 

“To die is to rest.”  I guess my Dad kept saying that line because he wanted to prepare me for what was about to happen to him. Still, it took me months to accept that my Dad had passed away. Every day, I felt a feeling of sadness like no other. It was like a part of me died. When this pandemic happened, however, I realized how blessed Dad was because he did not get to experience this pandemic. Then I understood why my Dad left at the time he did. God helped me understand. 

At this point in my life (almost sixty and still single), I continue to recognize God as the only man in my life. I see God as my creator and best friend, my constant guide and inspiration. When my Dad passed away, I realized that I was wrong. I may not have a husband but there are other important men in my life. One of them was my Dad. Dad, I know that you loved us, your family, the best way you knew how. I want you to know how much I love you and miss you. This time, I took the chance to talk about you. This time, I wanted the entire world to know.

Note:  I would like to thank my friend and owner of TinapaIsLife for allowing me to write this unusually long blog for my Dad even though it has no connection whatsoever to the business. Truly, at TInapaIsLife, we also recognize that FriendshipIsLife.